Posts tagged ‘dating’
I’ve noticed that I don’t often write about what I do on a day-to-day basis on here. That’s probably because I’m leading a pretty boring life at the moment. If I were to frequently write about what I did during the day, there would be a lot of posts that would look like this:
I woke up (later than I wanted to) and went to work. I worked on wedding albums and wedding photos for eight hours. I came home, ate some dinner and read until I fell asleep.
Rinse and repeat.
Not particularly exciting, right? Right. Life is not full of crazy nights out and lustful love affairs right now. For one, I don’t have the money for crazy nights out and for two, I’m not currently dating anyone. Not even a single date here or there. In fact, other than one really sucky date months ago, I haven’t dated at all since J and I broke up. At the moment, I’m pretty cool with it, considering I’m moving across the country in a little over two months. There wouldn’t be much point to starting a relationship with someone here.
But anyway, I did not start this post with the intent of moaning about my lack of a nightlife and lack of a lovelife. I started this post because, for the first time in a long time, I have something besides graduate school and random crapola to write about! I’ve actually done fun things this week! Rejoice with me, people!
First off, I went out to dinner with Jersey (my friend from college who is getting her phD out here) on Wednesday night. We ended up at a little bistro around the corner from my place, and had a great time. We had amazing food and caught up with each other and ended up randomly making conversation with two guys sitting at the table next to us, who were both about seven beers in. They were incredibly amusing, and had Jersey and I laughing hysterically for hours. It was really great to hang out with her, especially because I don’t really have any close girlfriends out here. My four closest friends all live in various cities on the East Coast, and although we talk as often as we can — through video chatting mostly — it’s not the same as being able to get dinner together.
And last night, I went rock climbing with J and about eight other people from the Meetup group I used to run, but am now just a member of. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous. I had a vision of myself suspended above the ground, swinging back and forth, cursing like a drunken sailor. Luckily, this didn’t happen. I never made it to the top of any of the walls I tried — because of nerves, mostly… I kept getting scared the higher I got — but I successfully made it three-quarters of the way up most of them. I count that as a success. We had a great time climbing, and are thinking about making it a regular thing. After that, we undid all the hardwork of climbing by getting beer and pizza at a little place around the corner from the rock gym. We played foosball and darts, and basically had a great night!
So there ya go… finally some fun things I have done lately! It felt good to go out and do something, instead of staying in and reading all the time. I highly recommend it. And I’ll be continuing it by going to the art museum that is literally five blocks from my apartment tomorrow.
What have you done for fun lately?*
*Anyone else start singing Janet just now? “What have you done for me lately…“
That’s right, people. Marriage. It’s very difficult to work in the wedding industry (I’m a wedding photographer) and not think about marriage, weddings and love.
Last weekend, I witnessed quite possibly the most beautiful love I have ever seen. I worked a wedding for a couple (we’ll call them A+A) who have been together for something like six years. And they are still mentally, emotionally, totally in love with each other. The kind of love that is not only visible, but palpable. You could feel it when they were together, and you felt happier just being in their presence. They have the kind of love that reaffirms in your mind that true love exists; the kind of love that you feel priviledged to be a witness to.
A+A chose to see each other before the ceremony. I was with him, waiting in a covered walkway for her to arrive. He got more and more excited with every passing moment. Every time he heard footsteps, he lit up. “Is that her? Is she coming?” When my answer was finally “yes”, when he knew that she was finally standing behind him… tears came to his eyes and his smile threatened to split his face. He took deep, calming breaths and blinked rapidly to stop the flow of tears. When he turned around, and saw her in her wedding gown… it was one of those moments that you swear time stands still. Both of their faces exploded into the most beautiful combination of joy and tears. They hugged for a solid five minutes; the entire time, he was whispering “I love you. You’re my best friend. You’re beautiful. I love you.” Over and over again.
For the remainder of the day, they were glowing. They were the definition of a happy, excited couple on their wedding day. Neither of them made it through their vows without having to choke out a few words around their tears.
It was pure magic.
As for me… I can’t imagine myself married. When I attempt to imagine my future, I can see a career… I can see a home… I can even see kids… but I can’t see myself being married. I don’t know why, but it’s just unfathomable to me. And it’s not as though I’ve never been in a serious relationship, so I can’t imagine that kind of love. J and I had the kind of relationship that would usually lead to marriage. People would ask me, “Do you think you’ll marry him?” I would always say, “Oh… I don’t know. We’re not really thinking about that right now.” But in my head, I was thinking, “No.” But that isn’t a response you give when someone asks you if you’re going to marry your very-serious-live-together boyfriend.
And it’s not as though I am (or was) surrounded by broken marriages. My parents have been married for almost 27 years. My sister and her husband are incredibly happily married. All of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins were and are happily married. I have one close girlfriend getting married soon, and three others in very serious relationships which I wouldn’t be surprised to see develop into marriages.
I simply can’t see me getting married. I can’t see myself planning a wedding, having a ceremony, and then being married. And that doesn’t really make me sad. I’ve always been equally happy being single and being in a relationship. Being single doesn’t make me lonely or depressed. I don’t spend much time wondering when I will be in a relationship again.
But every once in a while, I witness a relationship like A+A. And I can’t help but think, I want that.
J went on a date last weekend, and it kind of ticked me off.
Not because he’s my ex-boyfriend and he’s showing interest in another girl. But because he felt like he needed to lie to me about it. We were at a party at Jersey‘s house, and I noticed he kept texting someone, and when I asked who it was… he didn’t want to tell me. He finally caved (after about twenty minutes), and said it was a mutual friend of ours who we both met through Meetup. He said he just wanted to see if she wanted to hang out the next day.
Now… he told me that he liked this girl about three months ago when we both first met her. But last weekend, he tried to lie to me about it and say that he didn’t like her and he never did. Driving back into the city, he finally admitted that he does still like her, but he didn’t want me to know because he didn’t want me to be upset that he was dating again.
And then he told me that I needed to start dating again so that I wouldn’t be lonely. That, my friends, was when the anger reared its head. I am not lonely. And I don’t want him to think that I’m so pathetically lost without him in my life romantically that I would be super upset if he started dating again, because I wouldn’t be. He is officially my good friend first, and my ex-boyfriend second. I would be happy for him if he started dating.
I, however, am totally happy being single right now. I’ve always equally enjoyed being single and being attached. And I’m also not too keen to jump into a new relationship. I’ve only been single for a few months, and I’m pretty guarded when it comes to romance. If I met someone I was interested in, I would probably date them… but I haven’t met anyone yet.
Actually… I did go on one date. We’ll call him Henry, but he won’t even get a bio on the Characters page since he was in and out of my life in about one night. Henry and I went out once, had a great time, totally hit it off, and even kissed goodnight. And then Henry told me that he had a girlfriend back in NY who would be moving out here a few weeks later to be with him.
Holy buzzkill. Needless to say, we haven’t spoken since.
Anyway, I know a lot of people are probably thinking, “Yeah right. You totally got mad because your ex wants to date someone new.” But I promise that isn’t the case. I’m genuinely over him romantically. I will be happy for him when he gets a new girlfriend.
I just don’t like being lied to. Especially by him, because I can always tell. I’ve known him for five years… I probably know him better than almost anyone. So it pisses me off when he lies to me.
End of rant.
How are you?